Sundays

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Who doesn’t love Sundays?

Sunday is my family day. A day I like to spend catching up with little jobs, like the kid’s homework, or the bits I have been putting off, before catching up with my college work and then finally chilling out. Since I lost Fella, I have an absolute resounding respect for all the single parents out there. You think raising children is hard when there are two parents there, but when one leaves…woah! Big shock to the system! My mum did it with four of us and she deserves a damn medal. I have discovered that there are NOT enough hours in a day. I have learnt (begrudgingly) that my house can’t always be tidy – especially as I am now a student as well as a widowed mum. I am also beginning to not care about the trivial things, even though I find it hard not to worry, being that typical Virgo! I suppose there comes a point when you realise that certain things don’t actually matter. It’s just finding that point. I enjoy a challenge though, and this certainly is the toughest one I’ve faced so far.

So…College. A bit of background might help here. I left school in 1997 with a few GCSE’s but knew I wanted to work to help my mum out financially. She was struggling with us four and with no help from our Dad (my Dad is actually a waste of space sperm donor, so when I say Dad, I’m referring to my Step-Dad, who actually helped raise (or rather didn’t really do much) me and my Step-Siblings), so as the eldest child, I felt it was my role to help. I was lucky to get a couple of part-time jobs when I was 16 and still at school. I left these when I got my first full-time job and have worked all the way from school to having children, then returning back to work when maternity leave was over. Having the kids meant I had to take any job that kept the roof over our heads, as Fella and previous Fella didn’t work. I have always felt like I could have done well if I had gone to college. So when Fella passed away, I lost so much but I did inherit a little break from work. I was 33 weeks pregnant with Girl and was only 17 days away from maternity leave. Obviously, I have to go on maternity immediately as I had the Boys, who were 7 and 9 at the time. I knew it would be impossible to return to the same job when maternity was over, as it was full-time and over 6 days a week. I’m not ashamed to say that I did, and still do, claim benefits. I don’t feel guilty for several reasons. First, I have worked full-time continuously from the age of 16 to 34, so I have paid my fair share in tax and NI. Second, I’m not sitting on my butt doing nothing. I have lost my soul mate and am fighting with PTSD but I am still taking another couple of courses alongside my college course and a work placement. Third and final, I am not doing this forever, I am only claiming until Girl is 3 and is entitled to 30 hours of childcare.

I now had the opportunity to look at doing something that I wanted to do, and for the long term (I’m getting on a bit now, young ones are amazing at technology and I will eventually get pushed aside). I had always thought I would like to be a carer, as I am a caring person by nature, and genuinely concerned about people and their well-being. I had to attend a Work Focused Interview at the Jobcentre when I first was entitled to Income Support. Well, I didn’t have to, as Girl was about 8 months old but I agreed to. I wanted to see what my options were ahead of schedule, being that Virgo. The guy who interviewed me was really helpful and asked if I’d like to do some sector-based work, which was basically going to college for 3 days a week, for 6 weeks and get a qualification in Health and Social Care and a guaranteed job offer at the end. I jumped at the chance and I enjoyed the whole going to college thing so much. I was nervous at first, as I hate the whole group of strangers sitting a room thing, but I ended up loving it! I had well and truly fallen in love with education! I passed the course with flying colours and I was made up. I could have done it after all! It built my confidence (I have hardly any), I met some lovely people and it’s led to me taking the Level 2 course now, which I started January this year. It has been an absolute nightmare getting everything sorted and in place for my start date, but I can proudly say that I have done it! All by myself! Fella would be super proud of me too!

So, I did plan on telling you about my college journey, but as you can see, I can just talk (or type!) away, and the clock is ticking. It’s 4.36pm and I have three hungry mouths that need feeding. Busy, busy day tomorrow as it is half term, I have a maths assessment at 9 and my placement straight afterwards. Mother In Law is having the Boys and Girl is at nursery, so I’m looking to be back about 6pm if I’m lucky! Sunday is the calm before the storm! I love Sunday and Sunday loves me! I was born on a Sunday, I’m definitely the child that was born on the Sabbath day! What is your favourite day, Reader?

Love your Sunday 🙂

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Hello World!

I’m starting this blog to share my life, my trials and tribulations, let off steam (so if you’re not a fan of ranting, this is not the blog for you) and generally for me to keep a track on how things are going in my life and the world around me…my memory is so crap!

As you can see on the title page, I am a young – well, the wrong side of 30 is still young, right? – widow. I lost the love of my life and soul mate two years ago, and I am now bringing up our three children, Boy 1 who is 12, Boy 2 who is 9 and Girl who is 2. So as you can imagine, that is pretty hard going, especially as Boy 1 has ADHD, but I am doing it! I surprise myself because I am not the most maternal person out there. I always worked and Fella took care of the kids, and that suited us. When he passed away, not only was it hard because of the grief and being heavily pregnant with Girl but also because I now had these two heartbroken little Boys and I had to quit my job immediately to raise them. But I am doing a good job, as we’re all learning together. The Boys tell me my chicken isn’t as good as Dad’s, or Dad used to do this certain thing when I was working. I used to take this really personally, but now I smile, as I have come to realise these are their memories of their Dad. They keep me going, all of them. I’m relying on benefits now too…but that is definitely a ranting post!

Anyway, two years later and we are finally starting to find a new routine, a new set of goals, a new life. It has been super hard, and people have made it harder and people have made it easier. I try to remain positive, hopeful, calm and patient. I continue to push myself, even when I really cannot be bothered!!! Really, in my first post, I just want to say that if I can do this, anyone can. I am the most stubborn, set-in-my-ways person that’s out there. I hate change (I’m a typical Virgo, I need my routines, charts, maps, lists. I need to know what’s what ahead of time so I can organise what doesn’t need organising!) I hate anything out of my comfort zone, but guess what? It’s tough. I have children that now only have one parent. I just have to get on with it!